Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
