The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she told me i tasted like america
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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