Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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