Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
