So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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