he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize