your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
