Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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