i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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