And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
