Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
