does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
