perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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