hotel room ftw
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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