so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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