found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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