I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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