I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
