I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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