He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
