I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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