now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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