Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
