That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
