Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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