if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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