you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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