So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
