I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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