You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
