Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
