What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
