I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry about my life...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
