Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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