I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The Olympian is in my bed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
