She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
