i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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