shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
