She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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