Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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