It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
