Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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