Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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