You're completely useless in the revolution.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
