WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
