remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
