they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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