please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
