My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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