I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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