Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
