pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize