saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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