3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
