No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
