I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like abortions should bother me more
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
