I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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