He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
