Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
