My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
