You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
