Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
