Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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