Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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