Me too!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
