i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
