he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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