We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
